Christian

Forgiveness and boundaries

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

For anyone who has read the Bible’s New Testament, it’s hard to escape God’s frequent instruction for us to forgive others who have wounded or offended us in some way. A prime example is Ephesians 4:32, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Yet, many women struggle with what forgiveness actually looks like if the person who hurt you continues to pose emotional, mental, or physical danger.


Please allow me to share what I’ve learned after spending time studying the Bible and also helping numerous women grapple with forgiveness. Here’s the big takeaway. You can and must forgive the other person in terms of letting justice rest in God’s hands and choosing to avoid the temptation to hope (or make) them suffer for what they did. However, forgiveness does not necessarily mean you need to be in a close relationship with that person or leave your heart wide open for further damage.


God gives a really pivotal instruction in Proverbs 4:23 where He says, “Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life”. That’s where boundaries come in. If the person who deeply hurt you is still posing a significant danger to your emotional, mental or physical health, it’s appropriate to guard yourself by establishing a boundary in the relationship. This might mean a season of separation from that other person. This might mean keeping yourself distant until you see signs that this person may no longer be a danger to you, or that you have undergone sufficient healing from the Lord so that you are now strong enough to be around this other person.


Yes, we must forgive, but we must also be wise in terms of guarding ourselves from further harm.

** or view this topic as a 2 minute VIDEO BELOW

What prayer can do for husband

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Do you have a continuing issue with your husband? Does he lack a certain desirable character quality? Prayer can make all the difference!


I have seen persistent prayer accomplish what I could not do on my own. I don’t have any ability to change anyone’s heart, including a husband’s heart. I can set boundaries on certain behavior, but I can’t change a person’s heart. Only God can do that, and praise the Lord, he DOES do that! In Ezekiel 36, God says “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you…” Awesome!


If you’re wondering where to start in terms of praying for a change in your husband’s heart, I would suggest inserting your husband’s name in 2 specific Bible verses as you pray. I prayed these 2 verses for years on behalf of my late husband Raul, and I witnessed God slowly molding and shaping my husband’s heart. Here are the verses, with your husband’s name inserted. Psalm 51:10 “Create in ____________ a clean heart and renew a right spirit within ________________.” Psalm 103:8 Mold ________________ to be like you, “compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love“.

Physical intimacy for the tired wife

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

For many women, especially moms of young children, making love to their husbands seems like yet one more thing on their to-do-list! For an exhausted wife and mother, the idea of carving out time to be physically intimate with her husband sounds about as thrilling as running 15 miles on the treadmill at the gym at 5 o’clock in the morning!

But here’s the thing. We know that most men have an extremely high sex drive. It isn’t their fault. God made them that way. 🙂 So, one of the kindest and most loving things we can do for our husbands is to meet their sexual needs. We need to strive to build a robust sex life with our husbands, and more than likely, you’ll enjoy it too! To be honest, if we don’t have a vibrant sex life within our marriage, we’re setting up each other to subconsciously look for that excitement with someone else. That’s why Paul instructs us in 1 Corinthians 7:5 “Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self control.”

The question is: How does the exhausted wife (and mother) build a robust sex life that both she and her husband enjoy? Well, I believe she takes a really good look at her schedule of activities and responsibilities to see if there are any things she can cut out. I bet there are some things she could reduce or cut completely! Secondly, she asks her husband for help! Can he put the kids to bed so that she has time to wind down and start thinking about enjoying physical intimacy with her husband? Can he do the dishes after dinner or help the kids with their homework so that she can decompress and maybe take a bubble bath before she and her husband head to bed?

Ask your husband if he would be willing to help with some tasks in the evenings so that you are more able to build a robust sex life with him. I bet it is a trade he is willing to make!

Being appreciated for all you do!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I get in a poopy mood (yes, I just used the highly technical term “poopy”!). During my marriage to my late husband Raul, I would get in this grumpy mood when I did something sacrificial for my husband and he didn’t even seem to notice! For instance, even though both my husband and I worked full-time in ministry, I decided that, for a while, I would do all the household cleaning chores so that my husband would be freed up to serve God even more. I did this for a several-month stretch one year.


Did I enjoy vacuuming, dusting, cleaning toilets? No, I did not. Did I sometimes feel grumpy when I cleaned the house after already working a full day? Yes, I did. But then I thought, “well, at least my husband will sing my praises when he gets home and notices all I’ve done”. However, even though I subtly pointed out to him what I had done, much to my shock, sometimes he didn’t say anything at all. What!?!


It’s at that time that God graciously reminded me that He noticed all I had done, and He was pleased. I know that God was pleased whenever I served my husband because God instructs us in Matthew 9:35 that “Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all.”
God always notices what we’re doing even when no one else sees it! In Matthew 6:4, the Bible reminds us that “your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.” Let’s take heart that we are pleasing the “right” man when we serve our others sacrificially. That right man is Jesus.

Are you rejecting your identity?

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I know far too many Christian women who tell me they feel unworthy, unlovable, and too much of a failure for God to really care about them. Such a stinking lie from the enemy! In fact, I would even go so far as to say that if you are one of those women, you are calling God a liar. Yikes!


Despite how your earthly mother and father treated you when you were a child, and despite how people in your recent years have treated you, if you have accepted Jesus as your Savior, then God says, “You are my child, and I love you”!


Is it time for you to come into alignment with the truth of what God says about you and your identity? Is it time for you to stop arguing with God and simply say “Thank you!”? Here is what God says about you if you have indeed declared Jesus as your Savior and you’re serious about trying to honor Him:


Ephesians 1:5 God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure.
Romans 9:25 “Her who was not beloved I will call ‘beloved.’”
Matthew 7:11 So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him.
Zephaniah 3:17 The Lord your God is with you; He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you. He will quiet you with His love; He will rejoice over you with singing.

**or view this topic as a 3 minute VIDEO BELOW

Tips on how to share the Gospel

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

If you are a follower of Jesus, I’m sure you are so very grateful for his presence in your life and for the sacrifice He made so that you can be guaranteed a forever life in paradise with God. But don’t you want other people in your life to find the same rich relationship and promise for the future that you have discovered? You probably do, but aren’t quite sure how to share the Gospel message with relatives, friends, co-workers and neighbors. Maybe you shrink back due to fear of what others will think. Perhaps you need help in becoming more confident and bold.


Allow me to share 5 Bible verses that can be somewhat of a guide as you consider sharing the Gospel message with others.


1) Ask God to show you who you are supposed to talk to about Jesus and invite to accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior. God may be assigning you that job, or perhaps God has appointed someone else to be the person. So ask God! Psalm 32:8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.
2) Ask God to show you the right time to present the Gospel. Ecclesiastes 3:1 There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven—
3) Ask God to give you confidence and boldness instead of fearing the person’s reaction! Romans 1:16 For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes…
4) Study Bible verses that reveal the path to salvation, and that also equip yourself with Bible verses that may address any objections or questions that person raises. 2 Timothy 4:2 Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction.
5) In the end, rely on the Holy Spirit to give you the exact words to say to that specific person. Luke 21:14-15 Settle it therefore in your minds not to meditate beforehand how to answer, for I will give you a mouth and wisdom, which none of your adversaries will be able to withstand or contradict.

2 ways to combat fear/anxiety

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I don’t know about you, but I can sometimes get consumed with the “what if” questions. What if a loved one passes away? What if I don’t have enough money to be secure in old age? What if my kids make a really bad life-altering decision? When I start thinking this way, my serenity level plunges, and my anxiety level shoots through the roof!


Well, here are two decisions that both you and I can make in order to regain peace of mind:
1) We must decide to follow the instructions given in Philippians 4:6-7, which says, “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” In other words, we need to tell God all our concerns, ask Him to be in control, and then LEAVE the concerns in His hands!


2) We must remind ourselves every morning that Jesus is FOR us and that we can trust Him to bring something good out of even the most daunting or difficult situation. I mean, seriously, do we believe God loves us and that He is perfect in all His ways? If we REALLY do, then we can relax and realize that, even in difficult circumstances, He has a plan to bring about good things in the lives of those who love Him. This is the essence of Romans 8:28… “and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who are called according to his purpose.”

Don’t share your girlfriends!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

At the risk of you thinking I’m totally looney, may I suggest that you talk with your husband about clear boundaries regarding your female friends? In other words, he should not be a close “friend” of any of your own girlfriends! I know this might seem old-fashioned or even ridiculous, but many affairs start out with a husband “just talking” with another woman. We need to be careful and alert to the schemes of the enemy!


1 Peter 5:8 says “Be alert and of sober-mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” So, be alert to the enemy’s scheme to get your husband emotionally entangled with one of your friends. He should not spend time with her without you. He should not even be spending time on the phone with her giving advice or listening to her woes. Without him intending to do so, he will slowly find himself developing an emotional bond with your friend, and she will start bonding with him. Danger lies ahead!

What men need to feel loved

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

You’ve probably heard of the “Five Love Languages”. It’s something Christian author and psychologist Gary Chapman figured out about how people are wired in terms of receiving love. The love languages are: words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, quality time, and gifts. Well, here’s something I’ve learned after talking with many wives whose husbands have completed the love language assessment. Almost all men have “physical touch” as one of their top 2 love languages.

Ladies, this means your husband craves not just sex, but little signs of physical affection throughout the day. When you do these small things, he feels loved by you. So, why wouldn’t you give him the physical affection that you know would bless him? By purposely withholding what he needs to feel loved, could it be that we’re actually sinning? Listen to what God says in James 4:17: “If anyone knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.” Oh my.

Here are several ideas on how you can communicate love through physical touch. Reach out to hold his hand as you walk through the store. Give him a 20 second neck and shoulder rub as you’re walking by. Pinch his tush as he walks through the kitchen. Lean over his shoulder while he’s on the computer and give him a kiss. Rest your hand on his leg while you’re sitting together on the couch watching TV. Run your fingers through his hair. These small acts of physical touch are totally easy and yet they mean so much to most husbands. Try it!

How to prevent a nasty fight!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I’m on a journey of learning how to do relationships in a healthier, God-directed way! I don’t know about you, but, in the past, when I got really disappointed in my husband or anybody, I tended to go in one of two unhealthy directions. 1) I avoided the potential conflict entirely by clamming up, putting up an ice shield, and then spiraling down into toxic resentment or 2) I let my tongue run wild and blasted the person with both barrels! Neither one of these options yielded good results.


God’s way is so much different and better! He says in Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare. Gentle words. Gentle words. Gentle words. I need to remind myself of this! God is saying that we can avoid a nasty argument if we speak gently and kindly and maybe even assume the best about the other person instead of giving full vent to our anger.


I vividly remember when I put this into practice several years ago. My late husband was really stressed as we were on a long-distance drive. I was attempting to help with googling a gas station, but my phone ran out of data. Ugh. Then he started getting really sharp with me in his tone. I mean…REALLY sharp. I felt disrespected. And oh boy, I decided that I didn’t deserve that tone and that I was going to tell him what a jerk he was. Yeah, pastor’s wives don’t always have gracious thoughts, apparently. Sigh.


Anyway, somehow God got my attention before I blasted him and God reminded me of Proverbs 15:1. So, I bit my tongue until we got all the way home, and as my husband was about to exit the car, I turned to him, laid a hand softly on his arm and said gently, “I know you love me and you would never intend to hurt me, but the way you talked to me back there was not okay. Please don’t talk to me like that again.” And that was that. No big blow-up. He didn’t feel condemned because I affirmed that I know he loves me. With God’s prompting, I was able to defuse the nasty argument before it could start. Gentle words. Gentle words. Gentle words. Let’s all remember that!