Christian

Don’t cooperate with the devil!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Your enemy has plans to blow-up your marriage.  The Bible says in John 10:10 that Satan is out to “steal, kill, and destroy“, so make no mistake.  The devil is working diligently to take down both you and your husband.  He may relentlessly tempt your husband to view pornography, and your husband may cave into the temptation.  Your heart will definitely be bruised if your husband falls into that trap.  But Satan wants more than that.  The enemy will relentlessly tempt you to treat your husband with scorn and disgust so that your marriage implodes.

This is where you have a choice.  You can cooperate with the devil and give in to his temptations.  You can allow him to have the victory.  You can align yourself with his evil plans and watch your marriage get flushed down the toilet.  Or you can refuse to cooperate with the devil.  Even when your husband does something that seriously disappoints you, you can tell your husband that you are still “for him”…that you believe he has a good heart…that you are not giving up on him.

I remember the time several years ago that a friend of mine found out that her husband had slipped up and viewed porn after over a year of being free from pornography.  Of course, she was devastated, but she chose wisely in that moment.  She chose to speak words of life to her husband.  I’d love to share the text she sent me shortly after his confession:  “So thankful he was honest.  Still hurts.  But the enemy will not win!  My marriage is worth fighting for”.  What a fantastic attitude!  She refused to cooperate with the devil.  How about you?

Tell husband what you need!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I don’t know why it took me so long to figure this out!  Men aren’t wired like women.  Men don’t think like women. Thus, men don’t instinctively know how to make a woman feel loved or how to comfort her when she’s distressed.  I guess my brain sort of knew this was true, but nonetheless, I expected my husband to read my mind and “just know” what to do!

Here’s what I’m suggesting.  What if we decided to do our husbands a favor, and instead of expecting them to be mind-readers, we actually clearly and concisely told them what we need?!  Proverbs 24:26 says “An honest answer is a like a kiss on the lips”.  Indeed, your husband will be so thankful and blessed when you’re actually truthful and straightforward by clearly explaining what you need.  I’ve put this into practice in my marriage, and what a difference it makes!  Sometimes I have to remind him (sometimes several times!), but I can tell that he is actually relieved to know how to please his wife instead of trying to figure out the mystery of the woman’s mind (and her needs) all by himself!

Dealing with strong-willed husband

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Wouldn’t it be wonderful if all husbands were gentle with their wives, always asked for their wife’s input, and took great care to meet the needs and desires of their wife?  Yep, that would be great, but unfortunately, both husbands and wives are still in the process of being sanctified (made holy) and we all have a way to go before we reach perfection!  Your husband won’t be perfect.  YOU aren’t perfect. 

That being said, a wife doesn’t need to settle for a husband who continues to run rough-shod over her, ignoring her needs and desires, dismissing her input and suggestions, and doing whatever he wants with little regard to how his decisions and behavior affects her!  In fact, 1 Peter 3:7 says… Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.   And Ephesians 5:25 says Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

Clearly, God is calling husbands to self-sacrifice for their wives; to treat their wives with respect and consideration; to value their wives.  So, what does this mean for you if your husband is very controlling, strong-willed and ignoring your needs or input?  I believe it’s totally appropriate to pray for the right timing and the right words to respectfully ask him to consider your needs, desires, opinions and input on matters that affect your relationship and your family.  If he agrees, great.  If he doesn’t make any changes, then its likely time to ask him to go to a marriage counselor with you.  If you don’t address your lop-sided relationship, you will likely find your heart slowly withering and becoming colder and harder toward your husband.  Don’t wait until that happens to act!  Act now.

One person can change a marriage

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Each weekday, I offer a devotional intended to help wives. Yet, I have a funny feeling that some of you might be questioning why I’m always urging wives to change their behavior, look for ways to bless their husbands, and be more selfless in their marriage.  I can almost hear you asking, “What about him? Am I the only one who’s supposed to work on this marriage?”

Well, here’s a news flash for all of us.  We can’t change our husbands!  Only God can change a man’s heart.  We can establish boundaries.  We can encourage our men and offer wise counsel to them.  We can pray for God to transform them, but at the end of the day, we can’t control them.  We can only control us!  However, by changing the way we interact with our men, we can dramatically and positively impact them.  It’s the amazing power of one person to make a difference!

So, let’s all commit to working on ourselves.  Let’s look for ways to encourage our men, help our men, respect our men, and serve our men.  If your husband is engaged in a pattern of sin against you or your kids, pray every single day for God to break him free!  Commit to respectfully and lovingly setting boundaries on that behavior.  As you continue doing this week after week and month after month, I bet you’ll see a change in your husband and an improvement in your relationship. 

Don’t give up. Don’t be pessimistic.  Press on.  Meditate on this wonderful promise found in Galatians 6:9 “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.”

Pray before making love

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Many of us come into marriage with broken sexuality. You may have been sexually abused as a child.  You may have slept with some prior boyfriends.  Your husband may have been sexually molested as a child or slept around before making a commitment to you.  All of that stuff from the past can cause us to be somewhat broken or scared when it comes to our sexuality.

However, God is in the business of redeeming and restoring!    If you or your husband are haunted by the memories of former lovers or pornographic images, confess that to each other, and, prior to making love, pray together for Jesus to heal you.  Jesus can and will heal your broken sexuality.  James 5:16 says, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”

If you or your husband are sexually scarred due to past sexual abuse, pray together before making love and ask Jesus to heal you sexually.  Ask him to restore your innocence.  Ask him to allow you to totally delight in physical intimacy with your spouse.  Jesus is the great healer.  Claim Isaiah 53:5 “by his wounds, we are healed“

And one additional benefit of praying together before making love is that it is one of the most intimate things you can do!  Beautiful spiritual and emotional intimacy occurs when you open your heart before your spouse and pray for God to enter into broken places.

Let husband be your hero!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Did you know most men really like to be needed?  I know.  Sometimes it doesn’t seem like it.  Sometimes, it seems like it’s hard to get them to follow through on a task you asked them to handle.  But you know what?  Sometimes we pick inopportune times to ask.  Often we don’t have their full attention, or we mention the task along with five other things we discussed.  Remember, men don’t think the same way women do!  They usually focus on only one thing at a time.

Anyway, back to the “being needed” thing. 🙂 Surveys show most men really do want to be your hero. I believe it’s a way they feel respected, and we know that respect is so important for a man that God actually commands wives to respect their husbands in Ephesians 5:33!  

This means our men want to lift a box that is kind of heavy for us.  They want to fix the leaky faucet and impress you with their “fix-it” skills.   They want to figure out a solution to your overloaded schedule problem.  They want to be our heroes.  The problem is this.  We often try to tackle everything ourselves….or when we do ask them to help with something, we either ask at a bad time, or we throw in the request amid a whole bunch of other “talk”. 

Let’s try this week to ask for our husband’s help with something…at a convenient time, very clearly, and simply.  Then let’s show appreciation when he follows through.  I bet he will love being your hero.

Are you suffering outside God’s will?

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Even though you may have accepted Jesus as your Savior and Lord, you and I will still encounter trials and hardships in this life here on earth.  They are inevitable.  In fact Jesus told his disciples in John 16:33..”In this world you will have trouble.”   Sometimes, the trouble is inside your marriage, and when that’s the case, you often find the need to practice great patience, endurance and “longsuffering”.  The Bible tells us in Ephesians 4:2 that we should act “with all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love…” (KJV).  Other translations use the word “patience” in the place of longsuffering.

However, the Bible doesn’t always advise us to just sit on our hands and settle into a long season of quiet endurance and longsuffering.   Jesus says in Matthew 18:15-17 that we’re supposed to confront someone who is actively sinning against us.  We always need to be respectful and loving, yet he tells us to confront that person who stubbornly continues in a pattern of sin against us, refusing to make changes.

So yes, there is a place for patience and longsuffering in relationships, especially when your husband has asked for forgiveness and is working to break free from a pattern of sin.  However, you may be “longsuffering” unnecessarily if you have never directly confronted your husband about a sin pattern and insisted that he make changes. The appropriate time for longsuffering is when you’ve already confronted the person sinning against you and they show evidence of trying to turn away from that pattern of sin.  I guess my question to you is this:  Have you lovingly and firmly confronted your husband if he is sinning against you or your children?  Have you drawn clear boundaries on what continuing behavior is unacceptable? If you haven’t, then there’s a chance you are longsuffering outside of God’s will.  Pray about it and see what God reveals.

A special word to husbands

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

99.9 percent of my Bible-based insights are designed to help women personally and in their marriages. But I know that many husbands also read these messages, so I want to take a moment to give you an important insight about the woman in your life!  Ladies, if you’re the one reading this, perhaps you can tell your husband that I’m asking him to read this as well. 😊

God tells husbands in Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”  And later, in verses 28-29, God says “In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church”.

So, God is calling you to love your wife in a self-sacrificing way…and to cherish her.  Please allow me to explain 3 key things that virtually every wife needs from you to feel loved and cherished:

  1. She longs to feel beautiful.  That means she needs you to notice her hair, her make-up, her outfit and tell her how beautiful she is…that she looks amazing today.  It also means that if she finds out you’ve been looking at pornography, she is deeply scarred.  The unspoken message she receives is that she is NOT attractive enough, that she doesn’t measure up, that every time you want to make love, you’re envisioning being with another woman who you view as more beautiful than her. That’s why I’m begging you to get help if you’re addicted to pornography.  Every time you look at porn, you’re slicing your wife’s heart.
  2. Every woman craves security. We’re just wired that way. She longs to feel financially secure and relationally-secure.  That’s why she gets freaked out when you talk about quitting your job or spending money on a new S-U-V.  She desperately needs to feel secure. 
  3. She needs you to be loving and gentle and involved with her children (whether those kids are your bio kids or step kids).  Nothing will break a wife’s heart quicker than to witness her husband being harsh or disrespectful or critical with her children.  That doesn’t mean that you need to be a push-over who doesn’t discipline the children, but she needs you to do so with love.  She needs to know that you deeply care about her children.

3 big lies Satan uses to oppress

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Over my many years of ministering to women, I’ve come to realize that the devil effectively whispers 3 huge lies to women in an attempt to depress them and oppress them.  We should not be surprised that Satan whispers lies to us.  He’s been doing it since the first man and woman were planted by God in the garden of Eden!  He lied to them then and he’s still lying today.  In fact, Jesus describes the devil this way in John 8:44 He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.

As I was thinking about some of the common lies that Satan whispers to women, God gave me a vision of women recognizing those lies, and then dragging them off to the burn pile and setting them on fire!  Yes!!  The first thing we must do is recognize the lie, but then we totally destroy it (set it on fire) by replacing the lie with the truth from God’s Word.  So, here are the 3 common lies and the corresponding truths from the Bible!

Lie #1:   God is disappointed in you because of the things you’ve done in the past so He doesn’t forgive you, and you can’t forgive yourself either.   Truth:  Romans 8:1-2 There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.  Also,Psalm 103:12-13  He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.  The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him.

Lie #2:  You can’t really trust God to watch over you and take care of you so you better work hard to control every aspect of your life and you’ll probably always be plagued by anxiety and fear.  Truth: Romans 8:28 And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. Also, Matthew 10:29-31 What is the price of two sparrows—one copper coin? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered.  So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.

Lie #3:  You’re entitled to resent that person who hurt you, and you should never forgive them.  Truth:  Ephesians 4:31  Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.  Also, Hebrews 12:15 Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.

3 ways to handle a bad day

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Sometimes, life just gets plain hard.  You forget to pay a bill on time and get hit with a giant “late fee”.  You catch your husband looking at pornography.  You teenager lies to you.  Your child accidentally drops an entire jog of milk on the kitchen floor.  Ugh!

At times like these, it’s easy to feel weighed down.  It’s so common for us to give into despair and depression.  But instead of conceding defeat, we can regain our spiritual equilibrium by practicing 3 things: 

1) Recognize this is a scheme of the enemy to try to steal, kill or destroy your joy  (John 10:10 “the thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy“)

2)  Remind your soul of the enemy’s inability against our mighty God (1 John 4:4 “You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.“)  *Sometimes I even laugh at Satan’s pitiful attempts to drag me down!  I like putting him back in his place!

3) Trust that God will carry you through this challenge and even redeem the circumstances so that something good comes about in the long run. God is an expert at turning lemons into lemonade! (Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who are called according to his purpose.”)