Christian

Mrs. Holy Spirit??

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

There’s a fine line between confronting someone who is sinning against us and confronting someone about their sin in general.  As I read the Scriptures, it is pretty clear that we are supposed to confront our husbands or anyone who is sinning directly against us.  Jesus gives us this instruction in Matthew 18:15-17 and also in Luke 17:3.

However, sometimes we go too far and start to act like we’re the Holy Spirit!  It is not our job as a wife to convict our husbands of each and every one of their sins.  God says that’s the Holy Spirit’s job.  In John 16:8, Jesus says the Helper (Holy Spirit) “will convict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgment”.  

This means it’s not your job to be constantly pointing out your husband’s flaws, reminding him of his imperfections, and chastising him for falling short of God’s perfect standard.  A wife is NOT Mrs Holy Spirit!  In fact, when we start acting like we are the Holy Spirit, we start to become that quarrelsome wife mentioned throughout Proverbs.  She is compared to a constant dripping of a leaky roof.  Hmmm.

Create a sense of team in marriage

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

99% of wives would like to feel more emotional intimacy and connection with their husbands, but often a husband and wife end up drifting apart as the years of marriage pass by.  This is especially true when children come on the scene.  You get super busy and absorbed with the kids and your husband feels unimportant, unvalued, and un-needed.

However, there is one simple step you can take to begin changing that dynamic.  Start asking your husband for his opinion!  Ask him his thoughts on the right number of activities for the kids.  Ask him his thoughts on how to best arrange the living room furniture.  Ask his opinion on what is most important to him in terms of cleaning and tidying the house.  (You might be surprised that most men would prefer you focus on keeping the home tidy rather than clean).

By asking your husband for his opinion, you’re communicating that he matters.  You’re communicating that he is a needed and valued team member.  You’re communicating that he is respected by you!  He needs that respect.  He’s wired to crave your respect.  That’s why God gave a clear instruction to wives in Ephesians 5:33.  It simply says “The wife must respect her husband.”  So, start respecting your husband by asking his opinion and truly considering his thoughts and desires.  You will find that he likes being around you more, and you will develop a powerful sense of “team” in your marriage.

2 qualities husbands find attractive

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

When men are surveyed about what makes a woman attractive, other than classically beautiful features, a strong majority say….her confidence!  So, if you want to be attractive to your husband (or to your boyfriend), work at developing confidence.  Work at becoming secure. 

I believe you do this by spending time meditating on God’s love for you!  He loves you so much he actually adopted you as his beloved child!  He is your Papa!  Meditate on this Scripture from Galatians 4:  “But when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption to sonship. Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba, Father.”  So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir.”

The second quality that is extremely attractive is…humility.  Most men run from a woman who is self-righteous and judgmental.  A husband is repelled by a wife who conveys that she thinks she’s better than him!  However, a husband’s heart is drawn to a wife who is humble, kind and compassionate. The Bible instructs us to be this kind of person!  Colossians 3:12 says, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”

P.S  Yes, you can carry yourself with confidence, while at the same time displaying humility!  This means having self-respect and dignity, but refusing to act like you’re superior to your guy.

Dangers of “stuffing” in marriage

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Are you a “stuffer” in your marriage.  Stuffing usually happens in one of two ways, and they both lead to major problems!

One way that many wives “stuff” is by shrinking back and failing to voice their opinions, perspectives, needs or desires in the relationship.  That happens primarily when they are married to a strong-willed or even narcissistic husband who is very domineering in the marriage.  They become intimidated into silence or become a shell of the woman they used to be.  As this continues month after month and year after year, they inevitably become resentful.  Resentment, that goes unaddressed over a long period of time, is always toxic and commonly leads to the death of the marriage.

The second and most common way that many wives “stuff” is by avoiding conflict and stuffing their feelings of disappointment and frustration.  This might seem like a good choice because it eliminates a fight and therefore, it seems like it leads to peace.  However, what it really does is lead to growing resentment toward your husband.  Once again, if you don’t address the issues and work to overcome resentment, that resentment will grow and grow until your marriage begins to implode.

God makes it clear in His Word that we need to work through issues and avoid letting anger and resentment grow.  He makes this clear in Ephesians 4:26-27 And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.

Don’t be a stuffer!  Ask God to give you the courage to voice your needs and opinions.  Ask God to help you address major concerns and disappointments with your husband.  If you need help, seek prayer support and advice from a godly mentor or pastor or actual counselor.  Remember, stuffing only leads to resentment, and long-term resentment often kills a marriage.  Don’t let that happen to you!

**or view this topic as a 3 minute VIDEO BELOW

Recognizing Satan’s lies!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Let’s not be ignorant.  Satan is dead-set on destroying your marriage and killing your joy.  Jesus explains in John 10:10 that the devil comes to steal, kill and destroy.  Furthermore, Jesus reveals in John 8:44 that one of Satan’s favorite schemes to destroy you entails lying to you. 

He will try to plant lies in your mind such as this:  You deserve a different husband.  You are not loveable.  You will never be happy with your husband.  You better not challenge any sinful behavior by your husband because if you do, he will leave you and you won’t be able to take care of yourself.  Your marriage is hopeless.  You will never be able to get over what your husband did.  Do any of these lies sound familiar?

Thankfully, Jesus reveals the way to stand against the enemy’s plans to destroy us and our marriages.  When he left this earth, He sent His Holy Spirit to come be with us and to guide us into all truth! John 16:13  When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come.

So ask God to reveal lies of the enemy that you’ve been buying!  When negative, critical, hopeless, or fearful thoughts enter my head, I try to remember to pause and ask myself, “Does this sound like something God would say, or is this a lie of the enemy?”

Wives: Beware of this thought

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Caution.  Caution.  In fact, I urge you to envision yellow caution tape (like you see around a dangerous construction zone) every time this thought comes into your mind. The thought is “I deserve a different husband”.  That is a thought emanating straight from the pit of hell.

When Satan dangles that thought in front of your mind, he’s basically trying to entice you into believing that you have been ripped off and that you are entitled to trade in your man for a better model.  I should know.  I bought that lie from the enemy, hook, line, and sinker at the end of my first marriage.  You know who else fell for this kind of thinking?  Eve.  She fell for Satan’s lie that God was ripping her off by withholding fruit from one of the trees and he got her to believe she was entitled to more than God had given her.  That story didn’t end well either.  

Now please don’t misunderstand me.  If your husband is an unrepentant, serial cheater or if he has a pattern of abuse and is not seeking serious help, then God may very well release you from your marriage. However, MUCH of the time, the enemy tries to get us to focus on every shortcoming of our husband, every flaw, every way he does not meet our expectations for a perfect husband.  Then Satan seals the deal by whispering to us that we deserve a different husband…a husband who would be so much better.  That’s usually a complete delusion!  I can almost guarantee you that if you were to dump your husband and get a new one, he would have “issues” as well!  So don’t fall for Satan’s schemes and delusions.  Remember what the Bible tells us in 2 Corinthians 11:14…”Satan masquerades as an angel of light”.

So, instead of buying the lie that you need to dump your inferior man and get a better model, how about if you do these three things instead?  1)  Look for the good qualities of your man and be thankful  2) Respectfully confront any sinful pattern of behavior on his part and establish boundaries if necessary 3) pray daily for Jesus to mold and shape your husband into a godly man of integrity.

Something busy moms need to know!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Most women have extremely busy schedules these days.  I don’t know if life has always been so chaotic for women, but it sure is that way in 2025!  If you’re a wife and a mom, you’re likely running around like crazy trying to take care of the kids and your man and the household and schooling (possibly at home) and maybe even a full-time job.  Whew.  I get stressed out just listing all your roles.

Let’s not kid ourselves.  None of us is Super Woman.  You have limited time and physical energy.  You also have only so much you can give mentally, emotionally and spiritually before you’re completely drained.  That’s why it’s vital for you and me to take a break during each and every day to refresh ourselves.  We do NOT need to feel guilty about this.  Even Jesus “often withdrew to desolate places” (Luke 5:16) to take a break from the demands of people and refresh his soul.  We also need to step out of the desert and onto a lush oasis for a half hour or so in order to rehydrate our souls.  We just need to make sure we choose a healthy oasis.

What is your oasis?  What recharges your batteries?  What refreshes your soul?  Reading a good novel (not a smutty one though!)?  Lying on your bed surrounded by fluffy pillows?  Drinking a cup of coffee while writing in your journal?  Reading a chapter in the Bible and then closing your eyes to meditate on what God is saying to you?  Taking a bubble bath?  Scrapbooking?  Listening to worship music while sitting in front of the fireplace?  Checking out tasty recipes on Pinterest?  Dancing to 70’s music in your living room while no one is watching?

Helping your husband avoid lust

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Our men are bombarded daily with temptations to lust.  They drive down the freeway and there is a billboard featuring a sexy woman.  They go to work and encounter a female co-worker showing too much cleavage.  It seems like there is no safe place to avoid the temptation to lust!

However, your home could be one of those safe places, especially if you choose to avoid watching TV shows that feature scantily-clad women!  Personally, I would have loved to watch Dancing With The Stars over its many seasons.  I so enjoy watching a dancing novice grow into a fabulous dancer in just a few weeks.  But I knew that watching that show with my husband would likely cause a huge challenge for him regarding lust.  So, I chose not to watch that program.  The same thing is true for many other shows.  We always applied the same rule of thumb to the movies we watched over the years.  I checked beforehand to see if a movie featured sexual scenes or partial nudity.  We didn’t watch those movies.

Are you helping your husband avoid sexual temptation through your choices of media?   1 Corinthians 10:32 says “Do not cause anyone to stumble“.   Are you allowing things into your home that could cause your husband to stumble?  For instance, I called Victoria’s Secret many years ago and asked them to stop sending their catalog to our home.  That magazine is soft porn to men and boys!  Should you make similar changes at your home?

Subtle blame-shifting in marriage

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Isn’t it so very easy to see your husband’s faults?  Isn’t it super simple to see the wrongs of your mother-in-law or your co-worker?  Yep.  I can clearly see another person’s sin, but rarely do I take an honest look at my own shortcomings!

In a marriage, this tendency to only see another’s sin can be deadly.  If you allow yourself to focus on your spouse’s failures or flaws, you will start becoming resentful, depressed, discouraged and hopeless.  Don’t get me wrong.  This doesn’t mean a wife shouldn’t ask for changes if her husband is sinning against her. She may indeed need to set firm boundaries.  However, this DOES mean that she should also take a serious look at her own behavior!

My late husband and I met with many couples over the years and, tragically, we saw far too many wives eagerly point out their husband’s shortcomings while failing to seriously acknowledge their own flaws.  Many wives will say the words “Oh, I know I’m not perfect either”, but then their next 10 sentences are filled with complaints about their husband. There is rarely a serious inventory of their own shortcomings or ways in which they may have contributed to problems in the marriage.

Let’s do better! Let’s stop blame-shifting.  Yes, we often engage in blame-shifting, which means we blame someone else for our own wrong behavior!  For instance, a wife will blame her husband’s flaws for why she became disrespectful or why she rudely refused to talk to him at all, treating him as if he was invisible and worthless.

Ladies, let’s ask God to show us our own faults and weaknesses so that we can change for the better.  Let’s stop shifting the blame for our own unkind or sinful behavior. Not only will your husband appreciate this new humility and honesty, but you will likely thrive as well!  Proverbs 28:13 puts it this way:  Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.

P.S.  Yes, I know that husbands also can engage in blame-shifting, but for the purposes of this devotional, I’m writing to wives!

3 P’s to transform your marriage

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Recently, I was thinking about how several Bible principles keep on coming up over and over again as we help women navigate challenges in their marriages.  It dawned on me that 3 of these principles start with the letter P!

Pause:  One of the biggest things you can do when you’re disappointed or frustrated with your husband (or in the middle of an argument) is to pause before you blurt out something that only makes the tension worse!  Pause.  Pause.  Pause.  Take a moment to consider how what you’re about to say will impact the relationship.  Will it likely lead to a healthier relationship or will it crush your husband or cause him to give up on trying to make the marriage work.  Proverbs 12:18  The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.  During that pause, choose words of hope and love, even if you need to set a firm boundary with your husband.

Pivot:  Pivot from past disappointments instead of dwelling on the ways your husband didn’t meet your expectations in the past.  Don’t let bitterness take root and become a cancer in your marriage!  Also, pivot from dwelling on your husband’s flaws or the ways he isn’t meeting your expectations currently.  The devil would LOVE to have you dwell on what’s wrong instead of what’s right. Then you become a sour-faced shrew!  I’m not saying you should avoid setting boundaries with your husband if he’s sinning against you.  However, you must pivot from only focusing on what’s wrong, to purposely reviewing what’s right about him!  Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Pray:  News flash here.  You don’t have the power to change your husband if he is off course. But God does!  So, bring all your concerns to God in continual prayer.  Also, I’ve learned it’s super wise to pray as I sense a disagreement developing with my husband or when I feel disappointed in him.  I pray to God and ask Him to show me what is causing my husband to act that way or take a certain viewpoint.  When I strain to listen to God’s whisper to my heart, He often sheds light on the situation, and I develop a deeper understanding and compassion for my husband.  Jeremiah 33:3  ‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’