Does your guy have open wounds?

Whether we realize it or not, most husbands are actually very insecure.  Many of our men have suffered deep emotional wounds in childhood.  Some were teased incessantly at school.  Many were physically abused by their dad or grandpa.  Others were sexually abused by the neighbor man.  Some were basically abandoned by one or both of their parents.  The emotional wounds, though often never revealed openly, still exist.

Unintentionally, we sometimes take a knife to that open wound and rip it open a little further.  When a man’s wife constantly points out his faults, the wound becomes larger.  When a wife complains that he doesn’t make enough money, isn’t romantic enough, doesn’t play with the kids enough, doesn’t talk to her enough….his insecurity grows deeper.  He feels like a failure once again.  He feels unwanted, unappreciated.  He feels like he’s just one big disappointment.

Ladies, let’s truly become our husband’s helper (Genesis 2:18) by being the one person in his life that always sees the best in him…who truly believes in him.  Let’s consciously work to affirm anything and everything he does right.  Think of yourself as your husband’s biggest cheerleader.  He needs to know you’re on his team.  This doesn’t mean you should never confront him if he’s way out of line, but even then, you can confront him lovingly and respectfully.  Let’s become the soothing salve for the emotional wounds of our men!

Help for a wife with past sexual abuse

Unfortunately, there’s a high likelihood that many wives reading this devotional have experienced past sexual abuse, either in childhood or due to a forced sexual situation as an adult woman.  I can relate to this myself.  I was sexually abused by several men over many years of my childhood.  As you probably know, this can cause real problems for you in terms of desiring to be sexually active with your husband.  Yet, it’s so vitally important to build a vibrant sex life with your husband.  What’s a wife to do?

Here are 5 things that have helped me along my journey:

1) Determine in your heart and mind that you will not let evil steal from you yet again.  Evil stole your innocence once before, but decide that you will not cooperate with Satan’s plan to steal the sex life from your marriage.

2) Coach your soul.  The psalmist David often talked to his soul and reminded his soul of truth.  We can do the same thing.  Remind your soul that your husband cares for you….that he will not hurt you…that you are not being forced…that you will actually enjoy loving touch from your husband….that you can relax in your husband’s arms.

3) Ask your husband if he will allow you to be the one who initiates sex.  That way, you will not feel like someone is suddenly forcing himself on you.  (However, you do need to initiate then!)

4) Ask your husband to progress slowly, giving you plenty of time to truly warm to his touch.  In other words, you might need extra time before transitioning from kissing to fondling, etc.  Also, ask him to stop for a moment if you say stop.  You need to know that, unlike your childhood experience where you had no control, this time you have control over your body.

5) Decide not to dwell on the past, but choose to focus on what is good and right and pure in your husband and in your marriage.  This is what Philippians 4:8 tells us:  “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”