Most women have extremely busy schedules these days. I don’t know if life has always been so chaotic for women, but it sure is that way in 2023! If you’re a wife and a mom, you’re likely running around like crazy trying to take care of the kids and your man and the household and schooling (possibly at home) and maybe even a full-time job. Whew. I get stressed out just listing all your roles.
Let’s not kid ourselves. None of us is Super Woman. You have limited time and physical energy. You also have only so much you can give mentally, emotionally and spiritually before you’re completely drained. That’s why it’s vital for you and me to take a break during each and every day to refresh ourselves. We do NOT need to feel guilty about this. Even Jesus “often withdrew to desolate places” (Luke 5:16) to take a break from the demands of people and refresh his soul. We also need to step out of the desert and onto a lush oasis for a half hour or so in order to rehydrate our souls. We just need to make sure we choose a healthy oasis.
What is your oasis? What recharges your batteries? What refreshes your soul? Reading a good novel (not a smutty one though!)? Lying on your bed surrounded by fluffy pillows? Drinking a cup of coffee while writing in your journal? Reading a chapter in the Bible and then closing your eyes to meditate on what God is saying to you? Taking a bubble bath? Scrapbooking? Listening to worship music while sitting in front of the fireplace? Checking out tasty recipes on Pinterest? Dancing to 70’s music in your living room while no one is watching?
Hello. My name is Debbie Chavez, and I’m a list-aholic. Yes, I admit it. I love being super- organized, and I love “accomplishing” a lot every day. It makes me feel good about myself. In fact, my compulsion to accomplish tons of stuff everyday is so bad…..if I do something that was not on my list, I actually add it onto my list so that I can scratch it out!
There is nothing wrong with completing many tasks each day, and there is certainly nothing wrong with being organized, but when we become a slave to our lists, we have a problem. How about you? Are you a list-acholic? Here’s what I’ve been noticing lately. When I become a slave to my to-do list, I am not a very peaceful woman. I become a driven person, and I’m not flexible enough to respond to new situations or needs in my family. Perhaps we need to meditate on the story of Mary and Martha in Luke 10:40-42. Martha was busy bustling about with tasks, while Mary sat peacefully at the feet of Jesus. Jesus gently rebuked Martha in verse 42 saying, “Martha, Martha…you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed, or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better…”
So, maybe you and I should stop being neurotic about our lists! I am still making a list each day, but unless something on that list is absolutely critical, I’m allowing myself to skip some of the items in order to respond to my family or friends if I can see that they could use my help or encouragement. If you’re a wife, I believe this adjustment could make you more like the 1 Peter 3 wife. She is described as having a “gentle and quiet spirit”. I don’t think she could be quiet and peaceful if she was running around like a chicken with her head cut off! She obviously wasn’t a slave to a long to-do-list. The question is: Do you need to re-evaluate your lists?
For many women, especially moms of young children, making love to their husbands seems like yet one more thing on their to-do-list! For an exhausted wife and mother, the idea of carving out time to be physically intimate with her husband sounds about as thrilling as running 15 miles on the treadmill at the gym at 5 o’clock in the morning!
But here’s the thing. We know that most men have an extremely high sex drive. It isn’t their fault. God made them that way. 🙂 So, one of the kindest and most loving things we can do for our husbands is to meet their sexual needs. We need to strive to build a robust sex life with our husbands, and more than likely, you’ll enjoy it too! To be honest, if we don’t have a vibrant sex life within our marriage, we’re setting up each other to subconsciously look for that excitement with someone else. That’s why Paul instructs us in 1 Corinthians 7:5 “Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self control.”
The question is: How does the exhausted wife (and mother) build a robust sex life that both she and her husband enjoy? Well, I believe she takes a really good look at her schedule of activities and responsibilities to see if there are any things she can cut out. I bet there are some things she could reduce or cut completely! Secondly, she asks her husband for help! Can he put the kids to bed so that she has time to wind down and start thinking about enjoying physical intimacy with her husband? Can he do the dishes after dinner or help the kids with their homework so that she can decompress and maybe take a bubble bath before she and her husband head to bed?
Ask your husband if he would be willing to help with some tasks in the evenings so that you are more able to build a robust sex life with him. I bet it is a trade he is willing to make!
Many women struggle with keeping their house organized and tidy. This is no surprise. After all, many women are juggling so many responsibilities. They may have several children, hold a full or part-time job outside the home, try to fit in regular exercise to keep their bodies healthy and trim, and of course, try to keep the passion burning with their husband. It’s no wonder that they don’t have time to keep the house tidy! But the Bible indicates an excellent wife will manage her household well (Proverbs 31:27 “She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.”)
So what’s the overwhelmed wife to do? Well, there are two simple things you can do to help you keep your house picked-up and tidy. 1) Purchase plenty of inexpensive bins, or boxes or containers of some kind. It’s extremely difficult to keep the house tidy if you don’t have a place to store things! If you have children, make sure you have enough storage containers for their toys, shoes, school backpacks, etc. If you find Sunday school papers and projects strewn around the house, buy a bin just for those things and ask the kids to always put those things in that particular bin. Have a container for everything!
2) Pick a time every day (perhaps after dinner or 30 minutes before bedtime), and tell the family that everyone is going to spend 15 minutes putting everything where it belongs. This means picking up clothes off their floors and putting dirty clothes in the laundry bin. This means picking up toys and putting them in their proper containers. You will find that if the whole family spends 15 minutes picking up every day that the situation will stay under control and you won’t be overwhelmed with a house that looks like a tornado tore through it!