We’ve all heard of self-talk, but allow me to introduce a different kind of internal narrative that can be just as negative as your self-talk. It is the internal talk about your spouse!
The things you say, whether out loud or in your head, greatly influence the way you feel and act. In fact, Proverbs 18:21 says “the tongue has the power of life and death”. In other words, when your inner spouse-talk is constantly pointing out your husband’s flaws or rehearsing the past ways he’s let you down…your words reinforce a negative attitude and behavior toward your husband. If not corrected, this negative attitude and behavior on your part can eventually lead to prolonged bitterness, depression, and even the death of your marriage.
Ladies, we must do what the Bible says in 2 Corinthians 10:5…”take every thought captive”. Start noticing the things you are saying in your head about your husband. If a negative thought enters your mind, don’t give it room! Instead, look for something positive to say about your husband. He DOES have some positive qualities. Make sure you spend time engaging in positive inner spouse-talk more than the negative kind!
We’re all going to encounter some tough times in our marriage. We’re all going to experience heartbreak and challenge in our lives in general. The question is this. Why are some people able to bounce back from adversity relatively quickly, and why do others seem to remain stuck?
At the risk of you hating me 🙂 …I’ll be honest and let you know that I tend to be very resilient. After an initial period of shock and grief, I’m usually able to quickly pick myself up, dust myself off and move forward. After pondering this ability with God, allow me share a 3 word insight that might help you become more resilient too.
I trust God. Period. Three little words that mean everything! I have decided to believe that God is in control and that His ways are perfect. I have decided to believe that God can and will bring something good out of my hardship. This is what we learn at the end of Joseph’s painful story in Genesis, where Joseph proclaims in Genesis 50:20, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good…” I also take heart from Romans 8:28, where God says “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
I can bounce back because I trust God and because He says He will never leave me nor forsake me. Do you truly trust God? It’s a decision you get to make, and it makes all the difference.
Proverbs 12:4 says “A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.” Hmmm. Which kind of wife are you? Which kind of wife am I?
A crown sparkles and reflects light in a beautiful way. Are we a lovely reflection for our husbands in all we say and do? Think about it. The way you pray for your husband, the way you encourage him and help him, the way you take care of his home, the way you conduct yourself in public, even the way you respectfully confront any wrong behavior…all these things become like a crown to him. A crown is seen by others and causes others to treat that person with respect, honor, and admiration.
In contrast, a wife who demeans her husband, complains about her husband, doesn’t take care of herself or her home, enables sinful behavior by refusing to confront, and withholds physical affection….she becomes like rot in his bones. A person with rotten bones becomes stooped over and can’t carry his load anymore. He is crippled.
Let’s be the kind of wives who don’t cripple our men, but who so esteem them and help them that they become even mightier men of God. Then we will indeed become beautiful crowns! 🙂
Our words are SO powerful! If you frequently tell your husband how he’s falling short, he will likely close down emotionally and search for an escape door. He may turn to alcohol, porn, excessive recreational pursuits, or even other women.
However, if you choose to tell him about the good things you see in him, he will begin to grow in confidence. I believe this is why God instructs wives in Ephesians 5:33, “the wife must respect her husband“. Your respect and admiration means everything to your man. If you intentionally take note of his talents as well as the effort he puts forth, and then tell him you are proud of him, his feelings of inadequacy will fall away. He will start believing he can be successful in what he tries. He will gain courage to try tackling even bigger things.
If you notice his positive character qualities (and every man has at least one!), and tell him how much you respect him for those qualities, he will be built up on the inside. He will likely begin believing that he can become a man who makes a difference in his family and for God. A wife’s words of respect and encouragement can propel her husband forward to be an even greater man than he would ever have been without her!
Do you wish you could be a more courageous woman, a more secure woman, a more confident woman, and a woman who is able to stand strong under pressure or hardship? I think I’ve found the answer. We must go beyond just accepting Christ as our Savior, and truly decide to make Christ our Lord!
When I think about the ladies I know who are strong, confident and unshakeable Christian women, they all have something in common. They have made the courageous decision to surrender their lives to Jesus and they’ve truly committed to following him as the leader and master of their lives. This is, in fact, what the Bible calls us to do in Romans 10:9…If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. It’s important to note that this Bible verse tells us to declare Jesus as “Lord”, which means “master” in the original Greek.
Have you truly made Jesus your master? Maybe that’s the missing piece in your life. I can tell you from personal experience that once you truly make a heart decision to make Jesus your Lord and master, all His promises to love you, comfort you, and counsel you start to come alive in your spirit. You begin to realize that you can trust his leadership 100%. Once that happens, you’ll find yourself strong, confident and unshakeable!
— or view this topic as a 3 minute VIDEO HERE
Are you in a waiting phase? Maybe you’re waiting for God to answer your prayer regarding your husband. Maybe you’re waiting for your rebellious child, stubborn child to finally become mature. Maybe you’re waiting for your heart to heal after being betrayed by your husband. Whatever the thing you’re waiting for, I think we can all agree that waiting is hard! It’s hard because we have to be patient, and let’s be honest; most of us aren’t very good with the whole patience virtue. These two realizations have helped me learn to be a bit more patient when I have to wait.
1) God’s timing is often very different than what I think it should be, yet He is always faithful to show up. Psalm 40:1-2 “I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth…”
2) Some of the great women of the Bible had to wait and wait and wait before finally experiencing a HUGE answer to their prayers. Sarah, Rebekah, Hannah, Rachel, and more all had to wait ridiculously long periods of time before God finally allowed them to give birth. But when their prayers were finally answered, oh my! They gave birth to some of the giants of the Bible: Isaac, Jacob, Samuel, Joseph. In other words, what they experienced in the end was well worth the wait. 🙂
Have you ever noticed how a man loves his dog? Maybe it’s partly because the dog is clearly devoted to his man and shows it by jumping around with giddy delight the moment his man walks in the door. Maybe it’s because the dog is his loyal companion. Maybe it’s because the dog seems to just accept his man, despite his flaws and isn’t bent on questioning his every move. J
I can’t help but think wives could learn something from a man’s dog. (Yes, I’m saying this a bit tongue in cheek, but maybe a bit seriously too!) What if we, as wives, rushed to the door and greeted our husbands with love and excitement, just as a dog greets its owner when he comes in the door at the end of the work day? What if we, as wives, were as eager to please as a man’s dog? What if we were as much a faithful companion to our husbands as dogs are for their owners? What if we, like a lap dog, made it a practice of snuggling up close, without talking? The Bible actually has something to say about that. In 1 Peter 3:1, God says that “husbands may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives.” Hmmm. That’s something to ponder. Yep, perhaps there are a few lessons to learn from “a man’s best friend”….