Most women are plagued by insecurity. As a result of our insecurity, we end up putting up with rude or abusive behavior from others. Our insecurity leads up to covet what other women have. Our insecurity prompts us to put other people down so we look better in comparison. When we are drowning in insecurity, we tend to expect a man to be the “answer”. We seek and catch a husband and then expect him to make us feel better about ourselves by constantly telling us that we’re beautiful, desirable, smart, funny, intelligent, etc. However, our husbands are imperfect themselves! They can’t be our source of security.
I believe we would benefit by reading aloud one particular Bible verse every morning. It is a great reminder of how God sees us. It’s a reminder that He loves us and even delights in us! This verse portrays the picture of a loving father tenderly cradling his daughter in his arms. Here is the verse. Zephaniah 3:17 “The Lord your God is with you. He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you. He will quiet you with His love. He will rejoice over you with singing.” Close your eyes and picture God smiling at you as he holds you. Hear him whispering those words to you. Ah. So good. I feel so much more secure. How about you?
When’s the last time you said it? You probably think I’m asking about the last time you told your husband “I love you”, but that’s not where I’m leading. My question is this: When is the last time you admitted to your husband that you were wrong? We like to pretend as if we’re never “wrong”, but that’s not only prideful, it’s not true!
Think about it. Have you been disrespectful toward your husband by rolling your eyes or by using cutting sarcasm? Have you given him the look that basically says “you’re a jerk” or “you disgust me”? Have you been stressed or frustrated about something unrelated to him and lashed out at your husband because he happened to be present? (I did that just yesterday! Ugh.)
If you want to be even more beautiful to your husband, be humble and admit when you are out of line or just plain wrong. You might believe that confessing your wrongs will put you in a weak position in your marriage, but the opposite is true. Proverbs 28:13 says “Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.” Oh, and by the way, instead of simply saying “I’m sorry”, go a step further in humility by saying “I was wrong. Please forgive me.”
When men are surveyed about what makes a woman attractive, other than classically beautiful features, a strong majority say….her confidence! So, if you want to be attractive to your husband (or to your boyfriend), work at developing confidence. Work at becoming secure.
I believe you do this by spending time meditating on God’s love for you! He loves you so much he actually adopted you as his beloved child! He is your Papa! Meditate on this Scripture from Galatians 4: “But when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption to sonship. Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba, Father.” So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir.”
The second quality that is extremely attractive is…humility. Most men run from a woman who is self-righteous and judgmental. A husband is repelled by a wife who conveys that she thinks she’s better than him! However, a husband’s heart is drawn to a wife who is humble, kind and compassionate. The Bible instructs us to be this kind of person! Colossians 3:12 says, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”
P.S Yes, you can carry yourself with confidence, while at the same time displaying humility! This means having self-respect and dignity, but refusing to act like you’re superior to your guy.
If you and your husband are followers of Jesus, then you are both being sculpted. The Bible says in Isaiah 64:8 “Yet you, Lord, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.” God is molding and shaping us each and every day.
God uses many tools to shape us. He sometimes allows us to make foolish decisions and then experience the natural consequences of those decisions. Hopefully, we learn something valuable from those painful lessons! But when it comes to your husband, God has another powerful tool in his tool belt…you! As a wife, you have the unique ability to encourage your man. You can choose to be the voice that points out his good qualities. When you do that, most husbands seem to grow 2 inches taller. Your words of encouragement often become a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy for your man. As you affirm his good character qualities, talents, and spiritual gifts, he feels emboldened to step into those things with more confidence and vigor.
God may even want to use you as a tool to lovingly but firmly confront your husband if he is entrenched in a pattern of sin. You know your husband better than anyone else, so you’re the one who will likely notice if he is caught in a sinful pattern. Pray and ask God if he wants you to have a loving conversation with your husband about that sin pattern. Does God want you to request your husband see a counselor, attend a 12-step group, meet with the pastor, join a men’s ministry? Does the Lord want you to draw a firm boundary with your husband, thereby putting pressure on him to do whatever it takes to get free from this sin? (Read Matthew 18:15-17 for more guidance on this)
Will you be a tool in God’s tool belt? Pray and ask the Lord to show you if and how he wants you to be a tool!
We all want to be viewed as mature, but how does a wife actually go about becoming mature? The Bible gives us some hints. In short, the Bible indicates that maturity comes from persevering, from disciplining yourself to discern between good and evil choices, from speaking the truth in love, and by receiving wisdom from the Word of God.
Here are the verses that reveal these 4 means of becoming mature. James 1:4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. Hebrews 5:14 But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil. Ephesians 4:15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. Colossians 1:28 He is the one we proclaim, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone fully mature in Christ.
By the way, the very best way for you to receive wisdom is by spending time reading God’s Word! By that, I don’t mean simply reading one verse per day from a daily devotional. I mean reading ALL of God’s Word. It might take you two years to make your way all the way through it, but it will be totally worth it. You will find so much of value along the journey 🙂
— or view this topic as a 3 minute VIDEO HERE
Hello. My name is Debbie Chavez, and I’m a list-aholic. Yes, I admit it. I love being super- organized, and I love “accomplishing” a lot every day. It makes me feel good about myself. In fact, my compulsion to accomplish tons of stuff everyday is so bad…..if I do something that was not on my list, I actually add it onto my list so that I can scratch it out!
There is nothing wrong with completing many tasks each day, and there is certainly nothing wrong with being organized, but when we become a slave to our lists, we have a problem. How about you? Are you a list-acholic? Here’s what I’ve been noticing lately. When I become a slave to my to-do list, I am not a very peaceful wife. I become a driven person, and I’m not flexible enough to respond to new situations or needs in my family. Perhaps we need to meditate on the story of Mary and Martha in Luke 10:40-42. Martha was busy bustling about with tasks, while Mary sat peacefully at the feet of Jesus. Jesus gently rebuked Martha in verse 42 saying, “Martha, Martha…you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed, or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better…”
So, maybe you and I should stop being neurotic about our lists! I am still making a list each day, but unless something on that list is absolutely critical, I’m allowing myself to skip some of the items in order to respond to my husband or children if I can see that they could use my help or encouragement. I believe this adjustment makes me more like the 1 Peter 3 wife. She is described as having a gentle, quiet spirit. I don’t think she could be quiet and peaceful if she was running around like a chicken with her head cut off! She obviously wasn’t a slave to a long to-do-list. The question is: Do you need to re-evaluate your lists?
I’m a fairly confident, secure woman….most of the time. But there are still moments where that awful insecurity shows up. How about you? For me, it often relates to the way I look. Am I really attractive enough to keep my husband’s interest? Sometimes, I’m insecure in terms of whether friends or even relatives really like me. Ugh. I hate feeling so insecure!
So, how do we become more secure? Well, for me, it means turning to God for my “value”. I need to remember the only audience that really matters is an audience of one. God is the one with whom I will spend eternity. He is the one who created me to be in relationship with Him. He is really the only one I need to please, and what he says about me is really all that matters.
Meditate on these Scriptures and if you’re anything like me, you will feel a warm blanket of security envelop you.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you; He will quiet you with his love; He will rejoice over you with singing.
For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.