affair

What wives must know about FB!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

It’s happened yet again. Another wife almost blew up her marriage, and it all started with Facebook.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not against Facebook.  I love keeping in touch with what’s happening in the lives of my friends and family through Facebook posts.  However, the devil takes warped delight in taking something good and turning it into something disastrous.

We need to be wise to his schemes to kill our marriages!  Here’s what the scheme looks like:  You become curious about that old boyfriend or man from your past, so you look him up on Facebook.  It seems totally innocent.  You’re just curious.  Then you pop him a little message asking how he’s doing.  He responds.  You guys reminisce about shared experiences in the past.  You begin bonding emotionally.  Then ever so slowly and slyly, Satan starts to reel you in.  Soon, you begin believing that he’s your true soul mate, and an affair is just a step away!  This is happening every day across America!  One recent post on a divorce website noted that 20% of all divorce petitions contain the word “Facebook”.  

Don’t let this happen to you.  As wives, we must be aware of Satan’s schemes and we must fight against the temptation to connect with any man on Facebook.  1 Peter 5:8-9 says, “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.  Resist him, firm in your faith…”    Please don’t shake off this warning.   Fight against the urge to connect with men from your past on Facebook or any social media!

A common delusion of wives!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

If you’re a believer, the devil (and his team of demons) are out to attack you and your marriage.  Jesus warns of the attacks we should expect in John 10:10 when He says, “The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy…”.  I’ve learned that the devil often uses a common tactic, which I term as a “beautiful delusion”.  Let me explain.

The devil (or one of the demons he assigns to you) will try to tempt you into believing the beautiful delusion that the neighbor guy, or the pastor, or your male co-worker, or the FedX guy is really your soul mate!  Here’s how this works.  The enemy will start trying to foster conversation between you and this other man.  Over time, he will place the thought in your mind that that particular guy really understands you and is so gentle and loving and you would be so much happier if he were your husband!!  He will try to get you to start sharing your thoughts and dreams, your hurts and grievances about our husband with that other man! 

The whole goal of the enemy is to slowly get you bonded with a man other than your husband.  He will work to create the beautiful delusion in your mind that you would be so much happier with that other man.  As a result, you end up having an affair.  Even though you think this would never happen to you, I’ve seen it happen many times.  In fact, it happened to me many, many years ago.  The end result is the destruction of your marriage.  That happened to me, and the happiness I thought I would have with that “other man” was just a delusion.

Be aware of this common scheme of the enemy.  Don’t allow yourself to spend time alone with another man.  Don’t share details about your marriage with another man.  Don’t offer “counsel” to another man.  The enemy is so very crafty.  He wants you to bite on a beautiful delusion.  As 2 Corinthians 11:14 puts it “Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light”.   Don’t let him fool you.  Don’t even take a step down the path that can lead to the eventual destruction of your marriage. 

** or view this topic as a 3 minute VIDEO BELOW

Letting go is a must in marriage

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I wonder how many marriages have been destroyed because one or both spouses refused to let go of an old offense, disappointment or sin of their mate?  It’s likely that the vast majority of divorces resulted from toxic resentment, stemming from the inability to let go of old offenses!

I know it’s so tempting to dwell on your husband’s failures or past sins against you, but if you allow yourself to do that, your heart will become consumed with resentment.  And I think we all know that resentment usually becomes poisonous to both you and the relationship.  Hebrews 12:15 puts it this way “Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many”.

Also, when you keep bringing up that old sin, betrayal, disappointment or offense to your husband, you will slowly crush his spirit, and he will likely pull away from any further close connection with you.  That’s not exactly helpful to you, him or the relationship!

Now if your husband is CURRENTLY engaged in a betrayal or pattern of sin against you, you should seek wise counsel as you will likely need to confront the issue and establish firm boundaries.

However, if your husband is no longer engaged in a pattern of sin or betrayal, and if he shows some signs of repentance, you MUST choose to forgive him and leave the past in the past.  It is not helpful to keep wanting to talk to him about it.  It’s not helpful for you to keep bringing it up and throwing it in his face when you are disappointed or annoyed with him.  Let it go. 

Forgive as God forgave you.  Does God keep on bringing up your past sin and throwing it in your face?  No, he doesn’t.  Does God keep discussing your past failures with you, going over all the details of your past sin?  No, he doesn’t. He chooses to forgive completely.  Let us do likewise.

** or view this topic as a 3 minute VIDEO BELOW

Don’t share your girlfriends!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

At the risk of you thinking I’m totally looney, may I suggest that you talk with your husband about clear boundaries regarding your female friends? In other words, he should not be a close “friend” of any of your own girlfriends! I know this might seem old-fashioned or even ridiculous, but many affairs start out with a husband “just talking” with another woman. We need to be careful and alert to the schemes of the enemy!


1 Peter 5:8 says “Be alert and of sober-mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” So, be alert to the enemy’s scheme to get your husband emotionally entangled with one of your friends. He should not spend time with her without you. He should not even be spending time on the phone with her giving advice or listening to her woes. Without him intending to do so, he will slowly find himself developing an emotional bond with your friend, and she will start bonding with him. Danger lies ahead!

Moving forward after betrayal

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Betrayal in marriage can come in many different forms. Sometimes, it’s a deep emotional affair. Other times, it’s a highly inappropriate online relationship. Of course, betrayal can also mean an actual physical affair. Any way you slice it, the cut is deep to the spouse who has been betrayed. If you have been betrayed by your husband, your heart is broken and trust has been blown to smithereens by the lies and deceit that surround betrayal. It will take time for you to heal and for trust to be restored.


If your husband is unrepentant and defiantly continues on with the affair/inappropriate relationship, then you will need to consult God and godly counselors as to whether you should consider divorce or whether you should set firm boundaries and wait for God to do a mighty transforming work in your husband’s life.

However, if your husband is indeed repentant, then you have a different kind of decision to make. You will need to give yourself some time to grieve, and you will need to tell your husband what he needs to do in order to regain your trust. Those things are a given. But, at some point, you also have to make the decision to let go of the hurt and resentment and move forward in building a new and healthier marriage with your husband. You MUST choose to let go of the resentment and pain after several months of grieving. If you do not, and you keep throwing his past sin in his face, you will slowly beat down your husband to the point that he simply gives up. You will also become a sour-faced woman who no one wants to be around!


It’s easy to let your emotions guide your behavior, but that rarely ends well. Resentment and bitterness act like a poison! You must CHOOSE to let go of bitterness. Hebrews 12:15 puts it this way: “Let no bitter root grow up among you to cause trouble and defile many.” Yes, you need to allow yourself time to grieve your pain with God and some godly girlfriends, and yes, you need to tell your husband how to regain your trust. But then, you need to stop dwelling on the past! Isaiah 43:18-19: “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing. Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?”

**or view this topic as 3 minute VIDEO BELOW

Restoring trust after betrayal

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Betrayal in marriage is so devastating. Betrayal takes many forms…adultery, use of pornography, excessive gambling, alcohol or drug abuse, etc. If your husband betrayed you in some way, you know the resulting heartbreak first-hand. If your husband has finally repented of this behavior, praise God! However, there’s almost always a secondary, deep issue that needs to be dealt with…regaining trust. That’s because betrayal is almost always engulfed in lies. The husband who has an affair does so in secret and deceives his wife about his whereabouts. The husband who has an alcohol problem usually drinks secretly and lies about his drinking.


So, how does a wife learn to trust after betrayal? Well, the first part is up to you. You must clearly communicate what you need from your husband in order to begin to trust him again. Here is what I suggest. Let him know you will only be able to begin trusting again if you see him taking actual steps toward serious accountability and recovery. I would also let him know that he needs to show that he is willing to do the hard work of recovery over the long haul, not just a few weeks. This is the essence of Matthew 3:8, which instructs us to “produce fruit in keeping with repentance.”


You need to see fruit, week after week and month after month. That “fruit” may involve long-term counseling, a treatment program, long-term involvement with a 12-step group such as AA, etc. The fruit should also mean willingness on his part to honestly account for his time, money, and computer use.
All that being said, remember to treat your husband with the same kindness, compassion and humility that you would want him to treat you if you were struggling with an addiction or had stumbled in some major way. Your husband is NOT your enemy! He needs you to encourage him, while also firmly requesting that he do the hard work to regain your trust.

Do this to protect your marriage!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

When we first pledge our love to each other on our wedding day, we never think either one of us could possibly end up having an affair years later.  Tragically, it happens quite frequently, and even among Christian couples.  We can’t be ignorant of Satan’s mission revealed by Jesus in John 10:10 where He says Satan is out to “kill, steal, and destroy”.  Satan would like nothing better than to rip apart your marriage.  He is always plotting ways to get you or your spouse connected with someone of the opposite sex.  That’s why we have to be vigilant from day one!

James 4:7 advises us…”Submit yourselves to God.  Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”  One of the ways we can resist the devil’s schemes to destroy our marriages is to talk with our husbands about rules we will both follow relating to the opposite sex.  Agree that you will never spend time alone with another man and your husband will never spend time alone with another woman.  If your job requires you to be in a one-on-one meeting with someone of the opposite sex, agree that the door will always be left open.  Agree that you will never share anything personal about your marriage with a member of the opposite sex.  If at all possible, agree to never work as a two-person team with a member of the opposite sex on a project or at your job.   That feeling of being a “team” is extremely bonding!

Safeguard your marriage.  You may think you don’t need all these strict rules, but I know from personal experience that you do.  Many solid Christians have fallen into Satan’s trap by failing to follow these safeguards.  Don’t let your marriage be another notch in the devil’s belt.

Be alert to this scheme from hell!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I’m outing him.  I’m exposing one of Satan’s main strategies for tripping up wives and potentially destroying their marriages.  I can speak from experience because, a couple decades ago, I got caught in this scheme.  Ugh.  Here it is.  The enemy will subtly lure you into a “friendship” with a man other than your husband.  It will start very innocently.  It may evolve very slowly.  But here’s what I know.  Once you start sharing your feelings, your troubles, and your hopes with a man, you start emotionally bonding with that man.   Once a man starts sharing his burdens and his feelings with you, you start to bond with that man.  Now you’re in treacherous water, and it’s only a matter of time before you get sucked into an actual affair.

I know some of you don’t believe me, but trust me, this has happened to countless women, including wonderful Christian ladies.  It happened to me at the end of my first marriage.  I never would have believed it could happen to me!  For me, it took over 10 years for Satan to build a strong enough emotional bond with the man for me to be ensnared, but apparently the devil is pretty patient.  Don’t let this happen to you.  Refuse to spend time alone with another man, even at a public location.  Refuse to discuss your marriage or your husband with another man, unless it’s a pastor or counselor.   God instructs us in 1 Peter 5:8 to “be self-controlled and alert because the devil is prowling around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour“.  Be smart.  Be alert to this scheme from the pit of hell!