If husband struggles with addiction

November 20, 2025Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

You have two choices if your husband is struggling with an addiction to alcohol, porn, gambling, drugs, video games, etc. The first choice is to wring your hands in despair, whine to your friends, tell him how disgusted you are in him, allow yourself to grow resentful, and eventually divorce him. Hmm. That doesn’t sound like the best choice for your family!

The second choice is much more likely to result in his eventual release from the stranglehold of the addiction. You can choose to pray for him daily, lovingly ask him to seek help through counseling or a 12-step program, set firm boundaries on any behavior that adversely impacts you or your family, and continue to speak “words of life” to him. What do I mean by “speaking words of life”? I mean reminding your husband of his many good qualities; reminding him that God has great plans for him; and reminding him that you still love him and that you are willing to stand next to him in this battle. Your words are so very important. Proverbs 18:21 puts it this way: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue“.

Your husband will be much more likely to put in the hard work to break free from his addiction if he feels supported, encouraged and loved by his wife. Yes, you must have firm boundaries, but he still needs to know you are for him. He needs to hear words of hope for the future if he commits to doing the hard work to break free from the addiction.

Signs he has an online problem

April 28, 2025Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

In case you weren’t yet aware, pornography is a gigantic cancer that is rapidly destroying marriages and entire families. Hundreds of millions of men regularly view pornography (and many women too), and even among Christian men, the problem is rampant. Goodness, even a majority of pastors admit to struggling with temptations to view porn. Back in 2001, a survey found that 54% of pastors had viewed pornography in the past year. I’m sure the numbers are much higher these days.

Why is pornography such a big deal? Well, marriage counselors will tell you, and I will tell you from counseling many women in crisis in their marriages, that pornography usage almost always escalates into something truly horrific. When a man starts viewing pornography, he almost always progresses to more and more perverse pornography as he chases that “buzz” from viewing something sexually arousing. Unfortunately, in many cases, the man can no longer get his “fix” from pornography and ends up committing sexual acts outside of marriage. In either case, the marriage is often destroyed and families are torn apart.

What are some signs of a possible porn problem for your husband? Some common signs include no longer being interested in sex with you, coming to bed after you or exiting the bedroom in the middle of the night, and requesting increasingly perverse or odd sex acts from you. If you notice some of these signs, it may be time to have a serious talk with your husband. However, don’t approach him as an enemy. Approach him in love, as his helper. Remember, in Genesis 2:18, God says “It is not good for man to be alone; I will make a helper suitable for him.” Approach your husband kindly, but firmly, and let him know you want to help him tackle this problem that could harm both him and your family. Insist that he seek serious, long-term help and accountability.

Root cause of illness, addiction

September 26, 2024Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I had a bit of a revelation about 15 years ago and it has stuck with me. A medical doctor (Rita Hancock) appearing on my talk show said much pain and many addictions stem from lies we have believed since childhood. These lies can serve to cause such depression, stress, or heavy burdens that we end up carrying the weight of the lies in our body (physical pain) or we end up trying to escape the burden of the lies by numbing out through various addictions, such as overeating, alcohol, etc.

So I tried the simple exercise she suggested for those who have chronic pain, illness or addiction problems. She said to sum up your current emotions in just one word. For me, the word that popped into my mind was “worry”. Then she said to reflect back on when you recall feeling that same emotion for the very first time in childhood. Bam! I was taken right back to about 5 years of age when I recall feeling worried about the fighting and verbal abuse in my family. And, I suddenly realized that, at the tender age of 5, I felt like I needed to solve the problem. For some reason, I believed the lie that I was personally responsible for making peace between people and making everyone happy. What a lie! I guess we shouldn’t be shocked that Satan would enter a painful moment of our childhood and give us a wrong interpretation. After all, Jesus describes Satan in John 8:44 this way…”When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.“

Fast forward to current day, and I can see how I’m still subconsciously carrying this same wrong burden. And it’s too heavy! And it isn’t my responsibility! I am not responsible for the relationships between my children or between my relatives. I am not personally responsible for my kids’ “happiness”. The question for you is: Have you believed a lie that has caused you to carry some kind of burden that God never intended you to carry?