You know the saying “If mom’s not happy, nobody’s happy”? It’s so true! So if you’ve noticed your kids have been acting up a lot and/or your husband is grouchy, one possible reason is because YOU are not peaceful. Your mood and your stress are contagious.
Ask God to reveal to you what things may be causing a foul mood or extra stress in your life, and then ask Him to show you if there are things you can do to improve the situation. Is there something stressful in your life that you should eliminate? Do you need to ask God to help you forgive someone instead of holding onto bitterness and resentment?
Do whatever it takes to regain a peaceful and gentle spirit. God instructs wives to have such a demeanor in 1 Peter 3:3-4 where He says, “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” Let’s become beautiful to our husbands and children by cultivating that gentle and quiet spirit. You may have to make some changes in your schedule, but it will be worth it!
Good grief! Just when I think I’m finally growing a little more like Christ, my tongue trips me up yet once again! In our marriages and in our friendships, what comes out of our mouths often tends to gravitate toward criticism, complaints, sarcasm, etc. Try as I might, I just can’t seem to turn the corner on this problem! How about you?
Chances are good that your tongue also gets you into trouble. That’s because we have a common enemy. Satan keeps subtly prompting us to spew negative, critical, hateful, disrespectful, angry words. Thank goodness, there is One who has the power to tame our tongues! Jesus is stronger than the enemy. 1 John 4:4 says “greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world.” Hallelujah!
So, this morning I surrendered my tongue to Jesus and asked Him to control my tongue today. Would you be willing to ask God to help you remember to pause before you speak to your husband, especially when you’re angry or frustrated! Maybe you would benefit from asking God to remind you during that pause to speak words that are kind and loving, even if you’re asking your husband to stop a certain behavior or trying to explain your frustration. I know this is a prayer the Lord will answer because God tells us several times in the Bible to speak gracious words. Ecclesiastes 10:12 “Words from the mouth of the wise are gracious, but fools are consumed by their own lips.”
Will you courageously begin praying for God to help you catch yourself the minute you’re about to say something disrespectful, sarcastic, negative, critical, or arrogant toward your husband?
Have you ever heard the word catastrophizing? It happens when a person fixates on the worst possible outcome and treats it as likely, even when it is not. Unfortunately, this often happens between a husband and a wife! Have you fallen into this dysfunctional and destructive trap yourself? See if any of these patterns sound familiar. Do you often believe the worst about your husband’s intentions and motivations? Do you tend to take one failure or disappointment regarding your husband and then blow that up into a sweeping condemnation of him altogether? Do you tend to make negative assumptions about him? Do you fixate on your husband’s shortcomings or the ways he fails to meet your every desire? Do you believe he will let you down or disappoint you before he’s actually done so?! Then you have likely fallen prey to the common trap of “catastrophizing”! And you’re not alone. I, too, have fallen into this unhealthy way of thinking far too frequently. Here’s the remedy for catastrophizing. The minute you find yourself going down that line of negative, fear-based, hopeless path of thinking about your husband, immediately catch yourself, and hit reverse! In that moment, switch gears and start mentally tallying the good qualities of your husband. It’s amazing how your feelings toward your husband will instantaneously change as you start focusing on the positive qualities he has (or even the bad things he does NOT do). This is the essence of God’s instruction to us in Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
It is not okay for your husband (or anyone) to treat you disrespectfully. Let me just say that again. It is not okay. I know far too many beautiful, kind Christian women who, for some reason, allow themselves to be verbally, emotionally, or physically abused by their husbands or boyfriends. It’s heartbreaking. I heard yet another story from a highly-intelligent, gorgeous woman recently. She came to me in despair, wringing her hands over her abusive situation. Yet, she didn’t clearly see that she needed to draw a firm boundary and impose consequences on such behavior. In her case, she needed to leave until he showed serious, sustained repentance.
Ladies, do you think God winks at a man who is abusing his wife or girlfriend? Absolutely not. In fact, God tells husbands they are to lay down their lives for their wives. Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” If your husband or boyfriend is emotionally, verbally, or physically abusing you, you need to take a stand. If you don’t take action, you’re basically enabling his destructive behavior to continue. Read Matthew 18:15-17 and ask God to reveal His plan for you to take a stand when someone is sinning against you.
We ALL bring expectations into our relationships. Much of the time, our expectations are somewhat subconscious and subtle. We don’t spend a lot of time pondering whether our expectations are realistic or correct. However, we often do spend a lot of time being disappointed or frustrated with the other person for failing to meet our expectations or for causing us misery similar to painful relationships we had in childhood. It’s time we adjusted our expectations, especially when it comes to marriage! There are two different ways we may need to adjust our expectations. If one way doesn’t apply to you, I bet the other one will.
First, many of us subconsciously expect our husbands to be pretty much perfect. We wouldn’t say that out loud because it sounds rather ridiculous, but nonetheless, we find ourselves sinking into despair if our husband isn’t empathetic enough, or romantic enough, or providing enough. We become super frustrated if he wrestles with an addiction, doesn’t play with the kids enough, or doesn’t seem to shoulder his share of the responsibilities in taking care of the home. News flash: Your husband isn’t Jesus! He can’t be perfect in every way because he’s human! There is only one person who can perfectly meet all your needs, and that person is Jesus. Philippians 4:19 And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. So look to Jesus as your main source of love and security, and let your husband off the hook. Be thankful for the good qualities your husband does have and cut him a little slack in the areas where he is less than perfect.
However, for some of you, your dysfunctional childhood led you to expect that men would always treat a woman poorly. You experienced an abusive environment in your family of origin, so it seems somewhat normal for you to endure abuse from your husband. Change your expectations!! It is not okay or normal for a husband to engage in a pattern of verbal, mental, spiritual, or emotional abuse of his wife. It is never okay for a man to physically harm his wife. If you are experiencing such abuse, I urge you to seek help immediately. I urge you to separate yourself from your husband, at least temporarily, while asking him to get serious help for his anger problem. As I was contemplating Bible guidance for a woman in an abusive relationship, a principle came to mind from 1 Corinthians 7. Paul was writing to slaves (who were in an oppressive and sometimes abusive situation), and he said this in verse 21, “if you can gain your freedom, do so.” Do not expect or tolerate abuse in your situation. It may be necessary for you to gain freedom from abuse through a legal separation.
The Appreciated Wife 