Author: Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez)

Does your man have dry bones?

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Several years ago, I asked my late husband Raul what one thing most husbands really wish their wife would understand.  Here is what he said.  Most men long for their wife to notice something good about them and to tell them what they see!  It could be a positive character quality he displays.  It could be the fact that he works hard to provide for the family.  It could be a talent he has.  It could be the way you notice him submitting himself to God.

According to Raul, men desperately need this validation because most men feel like a failure much of the time.  In fact, my late husband described men as being a bit like dry bones in a desert, in desperate need of water.  Your words can provide water for those dry bones and breathe life back into your man!  Proverbs 16:24 puts it this way, “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”

Will you commit to finding something to affirm about your husband every day for the next 7 days?  Will you commit to actually telling him about the good you see?  He will soak up those words like a sponge, and it will bring life back into the dry bones of his spirit.

The path to peace instead of worry!

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I don’t know about you, but I sometimes feel my shoulder and neck muscles getting really tight.  My head starts to throb.  I even sometimes feel a little short of breath…or like I can’t even draw a full breath.  These are all warning signs that I am filled with toxic anxiety and worry! 

What is the remedy for anxiety and worry.  Well, the solution is often really quite simple (although hard to remember to do!).  We must remind ourselves that Jesus loves us and that he is completely trustworthy!  We need to speak truth to our souls!

King David, who wrote many of the Psalms. often talked to his soul.  In tough situations or when he was consumed with fear, he would basically give a pep talk to his soul.  He would remind his soul of the truth about God. For instance, in Psalm 42:5, David writes “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.”   Is it time to talk truth to your soul?

I regain peace when I remind my soul that God is loving, God is powerful, God is wise, and God is in control!

Dealing with messed up people!

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Aren’t “messed up” people annoying?  I’m sure you have a few in your life, perhaps your husband, an in-law, a coworker or even someone at church.  We shake our heads at these people, wondering why they can’t seem to get their act together.  We are disgusted by their sinful choices or behavior.  Sound familiar?

Unfortunately, as Christians, we can easily fall into this pattern of thinking.  We start to become self-righteous and judgmental.  We notice everyone else’s flaws and sin, but feel pretty good about ourselves.  But this is not how Jesus acted at all while he walked on this earth.  In fact, he was drawn to messed-up people!

Luke 5:29-32 Then Levi held a great banquet for Jesus at his house, and a large crowd of tax collectors and others were eating with them. 30 But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law who belonged to their sect complained to his disciples, “Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners?”  31 Jesus answered them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. 32 I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.”

Perhaps it’s time for you and me to stop judging others and looking down our noses at sinners, especially people we encounter at church.  In fact, if anyone we know (husband, in-law, coworker, neighbor) is actually attending church, we should be thrilled, not disgusted by their sin.  The fact that anyone walks into a church or Bible study is evidence that the Holy Spirit is working in the life of that person.  So instead of judging that person for failing to be perfect yet, perhaps we should encourage them and pray for them and give the Holy Spirit time to work.  That is what Jesus did.  Maybe we should do that too.

A hazard for high-achiever women!

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Hello.  My name is Debbie Chavez, and I’m a list-aholic.  Yes, I admit it.  I love being super- organized, and I love “accomplishing” a lot every day.  It makes me feel good about myself.  In fact, my compulsion to accomplish tons of stuff everyday is so bad…..if I do something that was not on my list, I actually add it onto my list so that I can scratch it out! 

There is nothing wrong with completing many tasks each day, and there is certainly nothing wrong with being organized, but when we become a slave to our lists, we have a problem.  How about you?  Are you a list-acholic?  Here’s what I’ve been noticing lately.  When I become a slave to my to-do list, I am not a very peaceful woman.  I become a driven person, and I’m not flexible enough to respond to new situations or needs in my family.  Perhaps we need to meditate on the story of Mary and Martha in Luke 10:40-42.  Martha was busy bustling about with tasks, while Mary sat peacefully at the feet of Jesus.  Jesus gently rebuked Martha in verse 42 saying, “Martha, Martha…you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed, or indeed only one.  Mary has chosen what is better…”

So, maybe you and I should stop being neurotic about our lists!  I am still making a list each day, but unless something on that list is absolutely critical, I’m allowing myself to skip some of the items in order to respond to my family or friends if I can see that they could use my help or encouragement.  If you’re a wife, I believe this adjustment could make you more like the 1 Peter 3 wife.  She is described as having a “gentle and quiet spirit”.  I don’t think she could be quiet and peaceful if she was running around like a chicken with her head cut off!  She obviously wasn’t a slave to a long to-do-list.   The question is:  Do you need to re-evaluate your lists?

This deeply offends most husbands

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My late husband Raul and I had some interesting conversations over the years about a man’s need for respect and honor.  One of things he mentioned several times is how devastating it is for a man to hear his wife criticize him or make fun of him in front of other people.  Even if she is trying to be funny, and even if he seems to be laughing along with everyone else, most men are quite offended by this and feel disrespected by the one person who is supposed to be for them…their wife!

So, this is just a brief reminder for all of us to be ever so careful with our men’s fragile hearts.  Even though I thought my husband’s little quirks were funny, it was probably not a brilliant idea for me to share those quirks with other people! Even though I thought one of his blunders was hilarious, I realized he was going to feel disrespected if I shared that funny story with others.  Let’s all be vigilant in protecting our men’s hearts.  They so desire our respect, especially in public.  Maybe we all need to quote Ephesians 5:33 every morning before we start our day.  It very simply says, “The wife must respect her husband.”

Changing your stinking thinking!

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You’ve heard the expression “You are what you think”.  Well it’s true, and unfortunately many women stay stuck in oppression, poverty, chaos, and loneliness because of the stinking thoughts the enemy has whispered to them repeatedly over the years.  Often these women truly did suffer a wounding event in the past, but the enemy piles on by getting them to believe lies about their identity, their abilities, God’s ability, and their future.

These lies, that then become our “stinking thinking”, may sound something like this:  “I’m unlovable”… “I can’t handle this”… “I’ll never get over this”… “I’m broken”… “I’m not able to”… “It’s hopeless”… “God doesn’t seem to care”… “I can never trust anyone”…

It’s time we start bossing around these thoughts!  The minute you hear one of those thoughts in your head, remind yourself that the enemy of your soul WANTS you to embrace that stinking thinking so that he can keep you oppressed!  Jesus WANTS you to have the opposite…a fulfilling life!   John 10:10  The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.

Ladies, it’s time we take a stand and refuse to align our thoughts with the devil.  The moment those negative, hopeless thoughts enter your mind, immediately coach your soul with the truth.  Here are a couple of truths to get you started:  “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”-Philippians 4:13…”He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.”-Psalm 40:2…..”If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?”-Romans 8:31-32…”Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding: in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight”-Proverbs 3:5-6

Beware of this marriage destroyer

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From both personal experience and counseling wives in crisis, I can say with certainty that allowing resentment to go unchecked spells doom for a marriage!  Think about it.  If you are really upset with your husband about something, or really frustrated with him, or hurt by his behavior…do you respectfully discuss your feelings and concerns with him?  Do you courageously deal with the issue, or do you tend to stuff it under the rug, hoping things will just magically get better?

If you’re a conflict avoider, it’s so very easy to stuff instead of confront!  It FEELS safer and more peaceful to just hope that your husband changes his behavior.  That way you won’t have any tense moments and you won’t get in a “fight”.  Unfortunately, if you say nothing, nothing is likely to actually change.  Sometimes a husband doesn’t even know what his wife is upset about!  And here’s the real problem.  If you don’t address your resentment, it will grow bigger and bigger and bigger until you are likely to explode months or years down the line.  That resentment will have turned your heart cold and hard toward your husband, and you may end up saying those fateful words “I’m done”.  Don’t let it get this far!

Your husband needs you to calmly and respectfully explain why you are upset and what you are asking him to change.  He may disagree, but then you guys can talk about it.  Talk it through.  Ask the Holy Spirit to give you courage and the timing and the right words to bring up the concern with your husband…soon.  Seek a counselor’s help if you need to.  Just make sure you don’t let your resentment go unaddressed.  As Hebrews 12:15 say, “See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”   Don’t let a bitter root start growing that ends up causing big trouble!

Wives need this in marriage!

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Marriage is not one continuous fairy tale.  Your husband is not perfect, and neither are you.  Therefore, you will experience times of disappointment, frustration, and even heartbreak.  The question is…what will you do during those “valley” times in your marriage?  How will you rally yourself and stay in the game?  Where can you find the motivation to fight for your marriage?

One powerful key to battling all the way through those valley times is to receive encouragement from other godly wives.  You NEED encouragement!  You NEED fellowship with other Jesus-seeking women. 

The enemy is constantly whispering discouragement to you.  He wants you to leave your husband.  He wants to destroy your family.  In John 10:10, Jesus says the enemy comes to “steal, kill and destroy“.  But we can counteract the enemy’s schemes by asking godly friends to speak truth to us.  Seek friendships with godly women who know the truth of God’s Word and who are encouragers.  Be an encourager in their lives as well. You might have to be the one to initiate this time together, but it’s worth it!  Ask a woman to coffee.  Ask another woman to be your prayer partner and make an appointment to pray weekly for each other over the phone or in person.

Hebrews 3:13 says, “But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.”  You need encouragement to stay in the battle!  It’s worth it.  Jesus has a good plan for your marriage.  He has come that you “may have life and have it abundantly.” (John 10:10)

Try this amazing spiritual discipline!

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The spiritual discipline that has most transformed my life; the one that has brought me such brilliant guidance; the one that has comforted me during grief; the one that has given me great hope for the future: the one that has slowly but surely matured me; the one that has made me feel cherished….is this.  I have been transformed by the simple spiritual discipline of quieting myself and asking God to communicate with me. 

Many of us pray. We call out to God when we’re in a desperate situation. We tell Him what to do.  We talk and talk at God, but do we ever stop talking and realize that communication is a 2-way street?!  Yes, God wants us to bring our concerns to Him in prayer, but more than that, He wants to talk to us!  He has many things to reveal to us.  He wants to reveal His character and His love.  He wants to guide us and prompt us to become more spiritually mature.  He wants to instruct us on how we can partner with Him to expand His kingdom.  But we’ll never receive any of those things if we end up doing all the talking and none of the listening!

God created us to be in relationship with Him and He longs to communicate with us.  Jeremiah 33:3 Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.

I have found 2 ways to best hear God communicating to me.  One is pausing before and after I read a section of the Bibe and asking God “what are you trying to tell me?”  2 Timothy 3:16 All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness.

There is a second way that I have begun hearing from God, and it has become so very sweet to me.  I have begun the practice of taking just 1 minute each morning to be completely still.  I close my eyes and envision being with God, and then I ask Jesus to draw close and tell me what He wants me to know that day.  Sometimes I sense Jesus giving me a vision.  Sometimes I sense Him speaking a few instrumental words to my heart.  Jesus is always speaking to His followers if we will simply listen! As Jesus told his followers in John 10:27 “My sheep hear my voice”.

Courage to set boundaries

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Have you ever caved in when you should have set boundaries in a relationship because of the “what if” questions?  What if he leaves me?  What if he leaves me and I won’t be able to take care of myself?  What if he gets really upset if I confront him?  What if….?

When you find yourself paralyzed with fear because of the “what if” questions, it usually means one of three things.  Either you don’t really trust God when he says in Hebrews 13:5 that he will “never leave you nor forsake you”.  Or it means you have allowed the spirit of fear to dominate your thoughts.  Or it could mean that you have become your own worst enemy and convinced yourself you’ll never be able to set boundaries and stick to them.  In other words, you’ve pummeled yourself with negative self-talk!

You CAN overcome these paralyzing fears.  How about choosing to trust God’s promise to never leave your side (Hebrews 13:5)?  Maybe it’s time to command the spirit of fear to leave you, in the name of Jesus (2 Timothy 1:7).  Perhaps you need to stop telling yourself that you’ll fall to pieces if you respectfully draw a firm boundary. Coach your soul just like King David did throughout the Psalms.  Tell yourself you will not crumble.  Remind yourself you will not fall apart.  Philippians 4:13 says “I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.”  With Jesus by your side, you have all you need.  You’re not doing this alone!