We’ve all been betrayed and we’ve all betrayed others. I can almost guarantee this is true for all of us, although we only seem to remember the times when we’ve been betrayed. We conveniently “forget” the times we’ve betrayed others, in big and small ways.
Here’s the thing. When we allow our focus to remain on the deeply hurtful things people have done to us, it’s as if we tie a heavy chain around our ankles and toss ourselves into a deep, dark lake. We slowly sink deeper and deeper into murky darkness. We’re starved for life-giving oxygen. We slowly drown in self-pity. We become enveloped by resentment and that resentment becomes a poison to us and everyone around us!
Cut the chains of bitterness and resentment! Come up for air. Drop the “victim” attitude. The Bible tells us in Hebrews 12:15 to “see to it that no bitter root grows up among you to cause trouble and defile many”. Your choice to embrace and coddle your bitterness will surely be the death of your joy and the joy of those around you.
How can you get rid of this super destructive attitude of resentment? Here are some insights. Stop hitting the replay button on past hurts! Choose this day to be thankful for what you do have. Make a choice to have compassion on your offender, realizing that you’re not perfect either! If the resentment stems from current behavior, then seek godly counsel on establishing boundaries in that relationship. Finally, ask God to redeem your painful experience in some kind of way. He loves to do that! Romans 8:28 promises us that “in all things God works for the good of those who love Him who have been called according to His purpose.”
In every marriage, there will certainly be times where you find yourself disappointed or frustrated with your husband. The question isn’t…how can you and I avoid those challenging times? The question is…how are we going to respond to the challenge?
I’ve met many wives who allow themselves to sink into self-pity or get all riled up with anger toward their husband. Neither one of those responses is helpful! In fact, a crazy cycle begins in the marriage. The wife lets her husband know how disappointed she is in him…he feels like a failure so he either responds with mean words or withdraws…she gets even more disappointed…and the cycle continues! Please allow me to suggest a couple of new ways to look at those times when your husband has frustrated or disappointed you:
Instead of focusing solely on what he’s doing wrong, choose to rejoice in what he’s doing right. This is the essence of Philippians 4:8 “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.” In other words, instead of developing a sour taste in your mouth by dwelling on his every fault, choose to look at your husband as a work in progress. God doesn’t transform a person overnight (including you!). So, choose to relish in the sweetness of every good thing your husband does and every good choice he makes. For your soul, it will be like sipping on sweet lemonade instead of sucking on bitter lemons.
P.S. You’ll look a lot more attractive to your husband when your mouth isn’t puckered up like you’ve been sucking on sour lemons!
P.S.S. If your husband is WAY out of bounds with his behavior and actually sinning against you, you may need to establish some firm boundaries, while at the same time choosing to remind yourself of his good qualities as well!