Are you often really disappointed in your husband because he doesn’t seem to have a lot of empathy in your times of stress or sadness? Do you find yourself longing for him to comfort you during times of discouragement or heartbreak, but he doesn’t seem to notice your distress or understand what you need? Well, join the club!
For most of my marriage to Raul, I found myself getting repeatedly frustrated that he didn’t comfort me when I needed comfort or even seem to notice that I needed empathy! Then one day about 2 years ago, I felt the Holy Spirit nudge me and say, “He doesn’t know what you need unless you spell it out to him.” What?! I remember thinking that if I have to tell him exactly what I need in those moments of despair or frustration, then his attempt to comfort wouldn’t be meaningful. You might think the same thing. However, I was wrong.
When I finally spelled out to my husband EXACTLY what I needed in moments of heartbreak, discouragement, or stress, he followed through. He actually thanked me for TELLING him what I needed. And guess what? Even though I told him what I needed, it was still very comforting when he did what I instructed him to do. Just in case you’re wondering what I asked him to do. I said “Come up to me and wrap me in your arms and hold me tight. Then pat my back gently 3 times and say ‘I can understand how that would make you feel and it’s going to be okay’.” It was amazing! I was comforted!
Husbands are not mind-readers! If you need something, tell them! Otherwise, your husband will sense that he’s failing you but be unsure of what to do. Explaining exactly what you need is actually an act of compassion toward your husband. This reminds me of the verse in Colossians 3:12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
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