Can a Christian woman be too helpful? Can she be too nice? I believe the answer is yes. We likely have wonderful intentions, but when we are so “nice” that we enable our husband or adult children to act irresponsibly or to stay immature, we are being too nice. And many of us fit this description. We are too helpful. We are codependent. We train our loved ones to be dependent on us, instead of God. We train them to rely on us to do things for them that they should really do themselves as responsible adults. Often, we also train them to expect us to bail them out of the natural consequences of their foolish or sinful decisions.
Why are many women codependent? Perhaps because we are overly concerned with wanting everyone to like us! We fear what others think of us. However, the Bible says in Proverbs 29:25 “Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.”
Now, I’m not saying that we shouldn’t be loving and kind. Of course we should. However, we go too far when our “kindness” enables immature and irresponsible and even sinful behavior in others. We go too far when we try to spare our loved ones from consequences and when we carry their responsibilities. Galatians 6:5 says “Each one should carry his own load”.
Here are 2 questions you can ask yourself to help determine if you are too helpful or too nice:
1) Are my actions preventing my husband or children from becoming mature and responsible?
2) Am I doing things for them that they should be doing themselves?